If that was your dad, he is hot
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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