dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
