He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
