apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
