New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
