rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
