i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
