I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
