I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
