Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
