Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize