I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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