I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
