tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
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Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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