After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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