I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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