Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
