I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize