Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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