i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
