Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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