We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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