My hand turned me down
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
