new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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