I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
