Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone came in the potted fern
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
