What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
