Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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