Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
