new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
