Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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