Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
