Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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