Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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