Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
