im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
