marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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