do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
honey bunches of taint.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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