So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
