What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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