He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Welp...herpes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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