ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
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He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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