CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
