I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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