...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
