hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can't talk, ducks in the car