I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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