Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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