And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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