I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
