its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
