Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
