i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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