We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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