is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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