You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
