it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
