I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
