put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
