I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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