this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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