Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
