I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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