these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
