oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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