Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
