hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
